Week 6: The Fastest Week Known to Man

What a week! Feels like I went to bed after my last email, woke up, and I’m here again!

9th May

I showed Elder Smith the most convincing evidence of God’s existence… a bacon roll. I have never been so gobsmacked… HOW HAD A 21-YEAR-OLD NEVER HAD A BACON ROLL? Must be a sad life. We did some planning and that was our morning!

We had leftovers from the breakfast on Saturday for lunch (probably not the healthiest but it was so good). Fried apples and biscuits may be my favourite food now.

Our first lesson was with a chap called B*****.

B***** isn’t a small fella, so when he answered the door shirtless… well… it was a good start to the lesson. He’s a cool guy! Just fairly intimidating when he locked the front door behind us. We taught him how to pray and the importance of it, and then asked if he’d like to end the lesson with a prayer. He said that would be fine but he was a bit nervous. He went on to pray by THRUSTING his right arm into the air and going, “Father Yahweh”, which was interesting to say the least It was sick, though! Always interesting seeing how different faiths pray.

We do a thing called “dotting” which is just checking in on people we haven’t spoken to in a while and ran into an old boy. He’s cool, but his five-year old grandson is a genius!! He’s obsessed with all things dinosaurs, Pokemon, Mario. He did some drawings for us and we now have them on the fridge! As we were leaving he ran out and said, “When I’m older maybe we can be friends”.

Cooked ramen with hotdogs… living the dream!

10th May

Allergies KILLED me this morning so it was a super slow start. We had a lesson with a guy called M*****. We were convinced he was going to be a basher (someone who just wants an argument) because he had booked the lesson under a different name and his contact email was some weird Bible study thing… turns out he wasn’t! He’s just interested in religion and finding truth. He’s super eager about learning more of our church. Went dotting again but no-one was in. Still vibey, though.

Had Taco Bell for lunch and, boy, was it rough!! Never felt so immediately sick from food before… Holy Moley.

Did some calls, heard a story about Elder Dana bench pressing a transmission from a 1991 Ford F150. Bear in mind that he’s 60kg soaking wet and that transmission is like 100kg, and he isn’t a big fella. Not saying I don’t believe him… but his method of removing it was also suspect.

Met with an old guy from the ward who bought us dinner and gave us some snacks for the week! We then drove around Chief Logan State Park at sunset. Very vibey. IT’S SO GREEN!

Elder Smith wanted just to check on some people so I reluctantly agreed. We drove by to see if some lads were in (they normally hang out on their truck’s tailgate) and their truck wasn’t there, so we knew they weren’t in. Went to see if someone else we knew just down the road was in, but they weren’t. Just as we were heading to the car, Elder Smith said, “I don’t know why but I feel like we should check if (the people with the red truck) are in. I again reluctantly agreed. I didn’t see the point ’cause we knew they weren’t in. We knock once. No reply… duh. Knock twice. no reply… duh. Just as we are about to leave, a truck that had driven by before stopped on the road and the driver asked, “Hey, you Jehovah’s Witnesses?” Just as we say no, he goes, “OK I’ll pull over and we can chat”. Uh what?!? We get chatting with him and it turns out that his grandma, who always tried to get him to go to church, had just died. She raised him so he was taking it really bad (drink driving round the hollers at night kinda bad). He saw us and carried on down the road for a while until he got an overwhelming feeling that he should turn back and chat to us. We told him about eternal families and just chatted and were friendly and he wanted to meet with us again for a lesson! The promptings of the Spirit are real!! And they may not make sense… but they have a purpose!

11th May

What a day! So we woke up at 4am to Elder Oldfield coughing up a lung and vomiting. (He’s been sick all week). We called the mission nurse and she said it was a migraine. He had a fever, runny nose, cough, and was nauseous… I’m no doctor but it sounds more like a cold or flu than a migraine. We told her that Oldfield had hit his head on the corner of the wall so hard it had chipped the paint and she thought he might have a concussion.

Now, if you don’t know, I’m kind of an expert when it comes to concussion. I had two compounded concussions that lasted a whole month… I know my way around them. Oldfield was not concussed. Full stop. He was not concussed. But the nurse told us we had to go to the ER because he may have a severe concussion, and potentially a skull fracture. Again… I’m no doctor… but he did not have a concussion… let alone a fractured skull! Because of this we had to go to the ER… I’ve never in my life thought about finding the best hospital to go to. You just go to the local one in the UK… but not in America! We spent a solid 10-15 minutes looking for a good hospital. THEY WERE LOOKING AT HOW MANY STARS THEY HAD ON GOOGLE MAPS!!! we ended up going to Charleston, which is a solid hour away… so that was fun.

After spending 4ish hours there we find out what’s wrong with him. The flu. Well I believe it was called Perry influenza or something like that. Oh, and no concussion or skull fracture. SHOCK! We were all starving so when to B Dubbs (Buffalo Wild Wings) which is a sports bar that specialises in wings (who would’ve guessed). It was GOOOOOD. They had a deal on so we all got 20 wings each for about $14! It was great… but we forgot T***** was feeding us dinner. We had one hour to digest 20 wings… I already felt really full.

We get to T*****’s and it’s her daughter’s birthday so there’s a fair bit of food… and they’re telling us to load up. Just the sight of more food made me feel sick! It was spaghetti bake with mac ‘n’ Cheese. I thought I was going to die. In fact, I wanted to die. I was so full!!

12th May

Exchanges! Exchanges are when you go to a different area with a different companion for a day. They’re really good for giving you a break, reporting any issues, and learning different methods. I went up to a place called Huntington and was with Elder Ruchti (who’s the District Leader). We had B Dubbs again for lunch which probably wasn’t wise. We had lessons planned all day but they all fell through. Luckily, Ruchti really knows the area and members so was able to substitute and fill our day.

We went to an old boy and chatted about the temple, went to an old lady who’s pretty lonely. She feeds raccoons. Kinda crazy cat lady vibes. She had these crazy ling fingernails that were easily 6inches long… but she’s super sweet!

And then onto the Webbs. Ruchti wanted me to meet them because the dad is from England and he just wanted to show me off basically. The dad (Matthew) is from Bristol and kind of knows my brother! He used to hang out in my ward a lot back home! Small world! Spoke a lot about home and the differences. His accent is really weird because it’s a mix of Bristol and 10years of living in America. He’s a cool guy! Always nice talking to another Englishman.

And then on to a lesson with a young couple. They’re cool people genuinely interested in our church and they know loads about the Bible!! It would have been a cool lesson… but they brought their youth pastor friend. It was going to be a bash. Luckily, I think I saved us. I could just tell he was a nerd, so asked if he played D&D and Warhammer… and he did! With my very limited (almost no) knowledge on these matters I think I was able to soften his heart a touch. The lesson was exhausting. It was 2.5 hours of them asking questions that were either irrelevant (like if we had paintings of Jesus) to the classic basher questions. It was kinda frustrating cause they would ask me questions… and then read some verses… but later on the chapter literally answers their question. J***** (their friend) was super confident… so his “gotcha” questions would kinda make you take a step back and feel like he did actually catch you out… but then if you thought about it for a second you realised how shallow or even plain wrong his basis for that question was. It was exhausting. He was a massive distraction… the couple is genuinely interested, and whenever we’d share something that they agreed with. He’d interrupt and just be a massive distraction. Fun times!

13th May

Today was short cause Exchanges finished at 11/12 ish.

Our first lesson back in the quad was with a gentlemen called R*****. He’s an interesting guy. He’s got lots of mental health challenges (paranoid and depressed, etc etc) I genuinely thought the lesson was a set up but luckily it wasn’t.

Then onto S*****! She’s feeling wayyyy more comfortable about baptism! We finished off what we had left to teach her and then booked her baptism for the 20th! She’s cool.

Brother M*****. What a man! He’s the guy with the Confederate flag guitar. He’s so funny! Honestly, a highlight of the week every time we meet with him! We found out that he was big into cars and used to drag race them! He fixed up a car for someone and Elder Dana said, “Wow that’s a million-dollar car” to which Brother M***** simply replied, “Nope. 3.5million.” WHAT A LAD! He also used to do drag racing. He would compete in unmodified cars… but he’d put lacquer thinner in his fuel so it would go faster. Such a cheater!!

Good day!

14th May

Pretty simple day! Went to church, both S***** and A***** were there! It was Mother’s Day in the States, so church was all about mothers. Did you know West Virginia was the first place in America to have an official Mother’s Day?

We called up some friends who are mothers and just wished them a happy Mother’s Day and then visited some members. that’s it, really! Simple day!

15th May

P-day!! We went shopping. Walmart still fascinates me. As we were leaving, there were two carts by the entrance, so I returned them back inside. Took less than five seconds. In that time, another cart had been abandoned. HOW LAZY ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!? Saw a pregnant lady smoking whilst pushing a pram with a young child in it. Vibes!

We then headed to the J*****’s property. Their son took us on a hike to hunt for fossils. When he said hike, he meant a TREK! Boy, it was rough!! It’s one of those things I wouldn’t do again but will look back on with fondness! Absolutely ruined my jeans though:( And for the 3+ hour trek we did up a holler (a real one. It wasn’t a path… we were being mountaineers. Following cricks or deer trails) the fossils we got were rubbish! We got changed, and headed out to lessons as P-day was over.

A***** HAS QUIT SMOKING!!! IN SEVEN DAYS SHE HAS COMPLETELY GOTTEN RID OF ANY AND ALL DESIRE TO SMOKE! She lives in a house with four families that all smoke… WHAT A STAR! She looks so much healthier too. It’s crazy what a difference it makes! Love her so much. She’s truly one of a kind, we don’t deserve to even know her!

This week’s been awesome!! It has gone by super quick but I’ve loved it. Being bashed isn’t great, being hung up on and sworn at sucks, but honestly… that stuff doesn’t matter. I’m still new… but I know that you just got to shrug that stuff off. Staying busy is the best medicine for feeling down. “Forget yourself and go to work”.

Love you all (well, most of you)! Let me know how you’ve been doing.

Elder Bishop